Comment Wall

 Kylie Markham's Comment Wall

Image Source: Image of my family and I this past summer. 

https://sites.google.com/view/kyliemarkhamportfolio/home

Above is the link to my portfolio. 

Comments

  1. Hi Kylie,
    I really liked your website I really like the picture of your family it really helps to put a face to a name and lets the reader know that this is your website. I like the excitement that you show for people to read on your website. I only have one point of criticism for your home page and that is that it is hard to find where your links to your story if there is a way for you turn those links to white because it blends into the trees in the picture with your family. I really liked the story about the creation of eve from gods perspective and looking at his reasoning. I also really enjoyed reading about the dragon king and queen and I liked how the king regretted his decision and it seemed as if he was punished for what he had done out of jealousy.

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  2. Hi Kylie, I love how you used your first story as Adam and Eve. It is the beginning of humankind, and also the beginning of your storybook. I love how you add more God's perspective which is one I feel that many people do not think about when looking at these stories. What was God thinking when he decided to make Eve? I like how you answered that question. One question that I have is whether you could add links to your stories in the home page. Also, I am not sure if others are having the same issue, but I am unable to go to your comment wall from your homepage. For the Monkey King story, I was wondering if there is any way that you could alter the format of the words. There are two words per line at times which may be difficult to read. Overall, great two stories. I can't wait to read more of your stories!

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  3. Hi Kylie,
    I enjoy reading all your stories. Your portfolio is so fun to look at. The theme of it blends perfectly with your writing. Especially for your second story, you choose the monkey king as the topic. Although you do not show the monkey king straightforward, it is still an attractive story. But my suggestion would be that you should some plots about the monkey king.
    You have used several images so well with the theme and it is easy to understand what you were trying to accomplish. I always think that using pictures is a really good choice to improve the website. If we only write several stories and do not show any pictures, the website would be boring and unimaginative.
    However, I think the composing type of your website is not pretty good. All the text is centered on the left side of the page, and there is nothing that exists on the right side. It is highly suggested that you should add something to your page, making that more artistic.

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  4. Hi Kylie :)
    I really enjoyed reading your two stories!
    For Eve's Creation, I like how you included several Jewish Adam and Eve ideas in there. I also liked how you went for making God the viewpoint from which the story was viewed. I also thought it was hilarious when the angels freaked out when Adam and Eve kissed, but it did make me curious as to why they did so! The only critiques I have to offer for this story are repetitiveness and the story's title. In the beginning of your story, some of the sentences kind of echo each other and don't present a whole bunch of information that warrant several different sentences when one would work.
    For example, instead of "God knew that the woman's body and creation would be completely different than a man. God wanted the creation of a woman to be different than a man so they could bring new life into the world." You could instead write, "God knew the woman's body and creation would need to be completely different than a man's because God wanted the woman to bring new life into the world." For the title, I expected something a lot different. Since the focus is on the creation of Eve, you could change the title from "Eve's Creation" to "The Creation of Eve."
    For your Monkey King story, I was really happy to see someone write something around it! The Monkey King unit is one of my favorites! I like how it's written, and I was really invested on how the story would progress and if the Dragon King would succeed or fail.
    The only critiques I have of the story are minor writing errors and the title. When a different character speaks, a new paragraph should be made for them, so it's easier for the reader to follow along. In dialogue, even if you put the dialogue tag before the actual line, the first letter of the sentence should be capitalized. Toward the end, I think you meant the wind began to roar instead of "rawer." The title also led me to think the story would be about Sun himself and not the Dragon King and Queen. I would change the title to reflect that more. Other than those few things, I really loved your story!
    Keep up the good work :)

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  5. Hi, Kylie, Great job on your stories for your portfolio so far.

    First, here's some notes on the story of Eve. I thought you did a great job of telling the story you wanted to tell. It feels like a retelling of the classic tale in modern language. This makes sense because you shifted some elements of the story due to language difficulties. I wonder if you could condense the second paragraph by a line or two. It may just be me but it felt a bit long winded and repetitive. I loved that the angels lost it at the wedding. Such a fun little note.

    Here's some notes on The Monkey King. Firstly, should you change your title to "The Dragon King"? There is no monkey king in your story. I like how you ended the story. It's always nice to see bad people get their comeuppance even when it is from a natural disaster. I only wish we would've seen the other dragon come back in some way. That character felt like such a setup. Then, nothing came of it.

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  6. Hi Kylie!
    First of all, I love the website design. It's really cute and works well for the stories that you're telling. The only suggestion I would make would be to adjust the main picture. You may have done it on purpose, but it looks like such a sweet picture and it's a shame that the heads are all cut off. I also appreciate that your story of Eve, a story of creation and beginning, is the first story in your portfolio. I think it flows nicely with the idea of the fact that it is what you're using to create your portfolio. In the second story, "The Dragon King," I really like the way you show his complex emotions. You do a really good job of showing what his underlying motivations are, but also the way he is instantly filled with regret. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your portfolio and I'm excited to see what you do next!

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  7. Hello Kylie! I just finished reading your first story! It was so refreshing to read some mythology from this class as I am in the other class (inidan Epics)! If you have time feel free to check out my portfolio or page! First, I want to mention how lovely your design and set up for your story is! It is really cute and fits well with your theme, story, and way of writing. I really enjoyed your story of the creation of eve! It seemed to have your modern written form of writing which made it easy to follow and kept the reader engaged. I also enjoyed the humorous bits that you added which helped get some comic relief. The part of the angels was super funny! You did a fabulous job! I really look forward to reading more of your stories as they progress! Keep up the great work!

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  8. Hi Kylie,
    Great job on your portfolio so far! I can tell you spent a lot of time and effort on your homepage it looks really good. Only suggestion would be to adjust your pictures so you can see all of it. Throughout your stories you do a very good job on highlighting character emotion. This really brought me into the stories and kept me intrigued throughout. My favorite story in portfolio was probably Eve. I liked how the story flowed while being able to pass your ideas of creation to the reader. As we reach the end of the semester I hope you can finish off this great project.

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  9. Kylie, I thoroughly enjoyed scrolling through your storybook as I am in the Indian Epics course and this was a refreshing read! I particularly like the story about Adam and Eve because you incorporated Jewish folktales into the story of creation that you learned as a christian. I also liked how much of an emphasis you put on the importance of Eve as someone who gave life to all of the world. I also like the dark twist you put on the Monkey King story and made it a bit more seasonal lol. Overall, you are a great writer and there is not much I would recommend you change about your style! Keep up the goof work and I hope you have a good rest of the semester and holiday break.

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  10. Kylie, great job on your portfolio so far! The best piece of advice I can give you for your stories is to read them out loud to yourself. Your story about the creation of Eve was good, but could definitely benefit from this type of editing device. By reading the story out loud, you can hear how the sentences flow together. Try trimming the story down and varying your sentence structure. Also, at one point you describe Eve's voice as "piercing and high-pitched." These words have a negative connotation. If that's what you intended, that's fine - but if you want it to just provide a contrast to Adam's voice you should use more neutral/positive words. Try describing her voice as "airy, melodic, flute-like" instead. I enjoyed reading your stories! I hope you have enjoyed writing them!

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  11. Hey Kylie! I really enjoyed reading your stories! I think something got messed up with your image on the homepage, so you might want to check that out! I think the story I enjoyed most was "Snow White." I think you really took your time on this and made it so that there was an interesting twist from the original, so great job! I liked the way you incorporated the prince as a gift from heaven and her mother! As for Eve, I think you just need to do some grammatical revisions. I can feel your passion for the story as it is part of your faith, and mine as well, but I would look over it once or twice to see how you could make it even better. Just a side note, I loved the line "the angels were freaking out when the bride and groom kissed each other." It just made me laugh. Overall, great job and I hope you have a good break!

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  12. Hi Kylie! I noticed that the image on your homepage says it is you and your family, but for some reason the image did not show up. It did show up on the story of the Dragon King though! The Snow White story was very unique and different from the original! I just wonder why the mother would curse Snow White if she was her best friend, and then send her the prince to reverse the curse that she put on her daughter? The story of the dragon king was very chilling! It is sad how he poisoned his own wife because of his jealousy. The ending was very interesting because the tornado took him away. The story was left open ended so I am very interested in what happened next, such as if the people of the kingdom found out who poisoned her.

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